Can’t sleep again.
I tried different ways to put myself into sleep.
The best so far is reading. Reading gets me sleepy but once I close my eyes, I would feel this slight ache all over my body. In my eyes, around the shoulders, in the chest, around the nect.
I’ve also tried over the counter sleeping pills, Melatonin, Diphenhydramine, and that one in a blue bottle with some happy looking sheeps on it. They all gets me tired and want to sleep. But I just can’t fall asleep. I feel tired and want to go sleep even before taking those.
I’ve also tried to code, but that just makes me excited. And if there’s a bug or an interesting problem to solve, my whole night is gone. Can’t stop thinking about them.
Then there comes the worring about tomorrow. I have to go to work tomorror. I have to go grocery shopping with my girlfriend tomorrow. She will be upset if I can’t get up in time tomorrow. Et cetera. I really wish I can just sleep till 12pm. But if I do that, there will be consequences. Which means I can’t sleep until noon, I need to get up at 8am, then I only have 4 hours left to sleep. It’s just making me nervous.
So I’ll start writing, I figured. Leaving evidence of insomnia nights. Having so many sleepless nights is kind of an achievement, I think, and I started to have this weird feeling of being proud of myself. The other reason, is that during those nights, I tend to have some strange thoughts, so strange, that if I recall those thoughts during the day, I would reject them, deny the fact that I had them, and feel awkward about them. It would be fun to see how would I feel if these thoughts are writen down and leaving me no room for denial.